Our true selves could solve our problems much better than our fantasy selves.

Apparently, I live in the state that is the basketball capital of the world. There is a sign on the highway, so it must be true. Nonetheless, I watched some college hoops yesterday with my father. We watched the UConn women play against South Carolina.

There is a particular aspect of college sports that I find very interesting. The players are practiced enough, and knowledgeable enough, to play the sport properly, but young enough to periodically lose control to their ego. And it is so easy to see. When they are focused on the game that is happening around them they function beautifully, but when they get a bit full of themselves and try to play according to an image in their head of how they would like to appear, everything falls apart. Or, in other words, if they humble themselves and see the game being played they move the ball around and take the shot when they should. But, if they only see what is in their head, they will try something that clearly was never going to work and do it in a way that mimics another famous player. It is interesting to me because it is a stage of development for all of us, on many levels.

We each have strengths and weaknesses. And if we are honest with ourselves and the world around us, we allow ourselves to adapt into the world accordingly. We find our place and purpose with respect to those strengths and weaknesses and we usually end up living a decent life. Alternatively, we can ignore our true selves, ignore the reality of our strengths and weaknesses, and try to create the appearance of how we wish to be seen by others. Standard, garden variety, run of the mill, narcissism. And since all relationships are built from communication, such narcissism requires a breakdown in open and honest communication. To create a false image of ourselves in the world, we have to convince ourselves and the people around us that the world is not real.

If all individual people have strengths and weaknesses that should be respected to find our balance, then all families have them as well. And all neighborhoods, communities, states, cultures, nations, and religions. At each level we have the choice to be honest and adapt to the world that exists around us, or to ignore the real world and try to manufacture an image of how we wish to be seen.

If I am to be honest, I see narcissism fully in control at every level of our western culture and society. The only way forward is honest communication about our very real strengths and weaknesses and how we could adapt to better fit the world that exists. The optimist in me knows that the delusions can only last for so long before reality forces us to be honest. Sadly however, many lives will be lost before we get to that point.