A lesson from my first world curse.

Not too long ago I was sitting in a pub, having a burger and beer, and trying to relax. No different than anyone else. I saw the way she was looking at me, a woman sitting across from me at the horseshoe shaped bar, and my anxiety shot up. Here it comes again. Sure enough, “You’re a cop, right?” “No.” “You look like a cop. Undercover?” “No. I’m just a regular guy.” “I know you can’t tell me, but I know you are.” And it goes on like this until I let go and stop acknowledging the person exists. Even still, they always have to get the last word in, and as she was leaving she came by to tell me again, closely and in confidence this time, that she was certain that I was an undercover cop. At least it was one of the more reasonable situations.

I was born with a look, maybe even a demeanor, that gives people the impression of authority. People assuming I am a police officer is one of the easier scenarios. There have been multiple occasions where total strangers come up to me angry. They would yell at me, telling me that they knew my type and they did not care for people like me. For years I was confused by this until finally, one of these people supported their assertion by saying that I was just like their father. At that point I started to wonder if I could charge them for a therapy session.

There have also been many occasions when total strangers would sit next to me at a coffee shop or bar and begin telling me their troubles. But, I always thought that was simply because I was a friendly person. Early in my adult life I called it the Alex Reiger effect, from the character in the old TV show ‘Taxi’. There was this one time, after I got pinched for a DUI out in Oregon, that still astounds me. I was waiting outside the courtroom for my turn before the judge and there was a line of people, four or five, pestering me for legal advice. I had to say “I am not a lawyer” probably ten times. They refused to believe me. Thought I was just being rude.

I tell people that it is a curse and they look at me with sarcastic pity. “How horrible it must be,” they would say, “to have people preconditioned to listen to you.” After a long time I finally realize that it is a curse for the simple reason that I have no clue what I am doing. I am a simple guy, struggling to cope with elderly parents, and guessing my way through my days no different than anyone else. However, if I had a vision and wanted to be a leader, this appearance of mine would indeed be a blessing.

Overall, I have come to the conclusion, from these experiences, that the public is starving for genuine leadership. Someone who shares their vision of what they want and is honest about the downsides; the risks, the work, and the sacrifices. Someone who is mature about how nothing is perfect and nothing will ever be perfect, but we should always try to make things better. As it stands, for many decades now, leaders promise perfection in lieu of a vision, and when we invariably fall well short of perfection it is always blamed on someone else. Sometimes the ‘other side’, but more often the poor and minorities.