My parents divorced when I was just a tot. Like most entering marriage, they were very immature. From my perspective, what caused the failure was that they both valued the image of what marriage should look like, rather than the continuous process of adapting and finding balance. Life in our home was all or nothing. Everything was either fine and peaceful or full on nuclear explosion. My siblings and I lived on eggshells, never knowing what would flip the switch.

The effort to create conflict begins and ends with taking out the middle ground; destroying the process of adapting and finding balance. At the same time, marketing two images of “how things should be” to both sides. Ensuring that the two images are sufficiently separate in appearance.

From what I have witnessed in my life, people who build successful relationships – whether it be a friendship, a marriage, a business, a community, or a nation – value the process more than the outcome.