I own a home, but I am no homeowner.
I do not have the mind for it. 

I do not have the mind of a proper homeowner: making lists, maintenance routines, and constant inspections. All for the goal of keeping a house safe and functional.

My mind does all these things, naturally, as anyone’s does, just not for a physical house. My home is a project; a creative project; a lifelong creative project. It is the place where I feel most comfortable.

In terms of physical living spaces I have more of a condo mind. If I see a problem I am happy to call someone and schedule an appointment, but that is about it. I know it is best to leave all the routines of upkeep to someone else. Someone with a mind for it.

The problem I find myself in is that I am now expected to play the role of homeowner, solely for the benefit of a person who does not have a homeowner mind either, but is intent on maintaining their place as a member of the bourgeoisie. (A person who never learned to pursue their own passion, so they are bound to the trophies of mediocrity,.. as though those trophies are exalted.)

It is impossible to care for someone who does not care about their own comfort and well being; someone who only cares about their own public image.

Anxiety and tension build as my mind increasingly focuses on getting back to the place I call home. It is only a matter of time as our behavior and routines always follow the direction of our mind.