There is an old saying I heard a few times when I was young. “Everyone has to cross Asshole Bridge.” I had no idea what it meant, but I nodded knowingly the way teenagers do when they want people to leave them alone. Truthfully, I doubt anyone actually knew what it meant. It is one of those saying that enables the sententious. Over the years, experience and reflection has offered me some insight into the meaning. Or, at very least, allowed me to create my own.^*

To me, crossing Asshole Bridge begins with recognizing our own unflattering behaviors. Then, to make it across the bridge, we have to make choices as to how we are going to address these behaviors; either accept them as is, adapt them to be more accurate, or work to negate them altogether. This process occurs not just once, but over and over again as our perspective of ourselves and the role we play in the world grows and evolves.

When we are young, we fight to discover and learn our strengths and abilities to find our confidence. As young adults, after finding our confidence, we fight to project our confidence in our strengths and abilities over the people around us who are fighting for the same thing. And as we grow old, we fight to protect our territory; holding onto our confidence despite the fact that our strengths and abilities have long since faded away.

Throughout this entire process we become aware of our behaviors, one by one, slowly digging deeper into the core of our psyche. That is if we are paying attention. Some choose to hide from it all and say, “It is what it is.” These people should always be considered dangerous and kept at arms length. (Particularly when their only strength, their only way to project their confidence, is to undermine the confidence of others.)

* This is a fractal concept. It applies to individuality at ever level: individual people, individual communities, individual institutions, and individual nations.