I was sitting in a cafe enjoying a cup of coffee. Everything was in its normal peaceful state until a small group of men came in, got their coffees, and sat down. They were engrossed in a conversation about the divorce one of them was going through. Typically, the conversation was very negative, toxic, and abusive. What stuck like a knife, however, was the fact that the focus of the discussion was not on the man’s frustration with his wife, but with women in general. Around the cafe the peaceful people had to listen to the vitriol of these men and I was embarrassed as I watched the women begin to get agitated with what I assumed to be anger. After it all passed, and I was out and about my day, my embarrassment turned into guilt.

Less than a week later I was sitting in the bleachers of a local ballpark watching my nephew play baseball. There were quite a few people there as it was a pleasant evening. Among the fans was a small group of women having a conversation that revolved around the experiences one of the women had with a man; her husband I think. Just like in the cafe, the conversation was very negative, toxic, and abusive. Not about the man in question, but about men in general. The rest of the people in the bleachers, the peaceful people just trying to watch their children and grandchildren play ball, sat quiet. I felt my own anger rise as I watched all the men around me begin to bristle. I recognized, or at least I thought I did, the stiffness of embarrassment in the women.

On the bleachers I chose not to say anything because I didn’t say anything in the cafe. To me it was a function of keeping the balance. But, now that I am more aware and the slate is clean, I will not hesitate to remind people that, while everyone gets angry and frustrated now and again, it is mature and civilized people that make the effort to ensure that their negative, toxic energy does not spill out publicly, onto innocent people… especially children.

This includes the internet.